AZ

Yesterday I came back home from visiting my friend in Phoenix, AZ. I had a great time and wanted to share some of my trip with you. When I arrived I thought it was absolutely beautiful. The scenery was so much different than what I am used to. I saw lots of brown- the buildings, the dirt, the mountains, the rocks. Two things that definitely caught my attention was the Cactus and Palm Trees! Oh Ohio, how I wish you had these!
Besides the scenery I had a great time with my friend. I was able to attend her church and meet some of the people she tells me about. It was great. And God spoke things to me there that I needed to hear. I was also able to meet the family she Nannies for. I hear about Jake (the adorable 2 yr old) all the time and I got to meet him too. He was such a lil ladies man.
We went to the Phoenix Zoo and had a great day there- with absolutely BEAUTIFUL weather! We went shopping at a few of the malls...luv! Hahaha. And I discovered a fabulous thing there- Yogurtopia and Yogurtland- Another type of thing Ohio NEEDS! Self serve yogurt places...
The last part of my trip there consisted of a road trip to Pine Top and the Grand Canyon. We went 4 hours to Pine Top- where it ended up getting to 32 degrees and SNOWING! (Because of the elevation). Then it was 4 hours to the Grand Canyon- so worth it!! It was amazingly GORGEOUS! It was overcast that day, so I want to go back and see it when the sun is shining all around.
It went by wayyyyyy too fast, but I am so thankful for the time I was able to spend there. I met amazing people and saw beautiful things...I will never forget those days! Arizona, I will be back. I promise.

There and Beyond!!

Last Tuesday, Sept 13th, marked my 6th months COMPLETELY FREE from Self harm. God is good and I have to thank Him for how far He's brought me this year. And I am soooo excited to see where's He's going to take me in the year to come. "Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done..." (A sigh of great relief!)

What else? My trip to Arizona is seriously only 11 days away!! I will be getting on a jet plane in good ole Cleveland, Ohio and taking off to beautiful (what i hear) Phoenix. I will step off that plane, scream and give a HUGE bear hug to my friend!! =) Gonna be a GREAT 10 days there with her and her family!

Being Prepared, Deciding, and finally...Standing.

I thought it was about time for me to write again. It's been a while, but this topic has been on my mind this week- due to the weekend I had. Let me share.

I was able to go on a leadership retreat this past weekend and it brought a lot to the forefront for me. The theme was "STAND" and it was about facing your giants and at the end of it all, standing. I was challenged over and over to confront my giants and fight them. We did a ropes course one day and the physical aspect of that really allowed me to see the deeper meaning behind the things I did and the way I handled different situations. I am very afraid of heights and this weekend challenged me in that sense since the ropes course was 30-50 ft up in the air. I immediately felt the apprehension and panic set in. I put my big girl pants and helmet on and climbed up the ladder to the 1st platform. I got to that point and my body was literally jittery. The fear had come upon me. After several (and I mean several) minutes, I chose which obstacle I would attempt to conquer. I was hooked and harnased in. I double checked the hooks on the cable I was going to be suspended from and off I went. I looked over the edge and the fear grasped me so hard---the thought that I was going to die was very present. =) Irrational, but oh so real to me. So, I stepped of the edge after a long pause and started my journey. I got about half way out and I froze. What do I do now? Go back? Just stay there and hope someone would come and get me? Or go on? I very much so considered the 2nd option. =) But I went on and I felt a sense of accomplishment. So, I made it on a ropes course, but what does this have to do with life? Well, let me explain.

I could relate many things I did on that course to the way I found myself living life. 1st of all, I often let fear hold me back from accomplishing things. I am also a perfectionist in a sense- just like I made sure those clips were locked on the cable over and over; I do the same in life- I make sure as much as I can that the conditions in doing something are just right. That nothing can go wrong. And of course me stepping of that ledge, that 1st step was the HARDEST. Once you decided to make a decision, the 1st step is always the hardest. Then I often get that momentum to go ahead- I get half way to my goal and start to doubt what I am doing. I really start to question what the heck I am doing out there. But what's important is that I keep my eyes ahead- no going back, and go forth.

I want to be like David when he had to face Goliath. He was prepared, he made the decision, and he stood. There was no doubt, there was no looking back, and definitely NO TURNING BACK. He was equipt in his relationship with God, faith, and courage. I want to live and face my giants that way!

I Made It!

I made it! With the help of God! I have made and passed the mark of three months free from self-harm of any sort. And like I said in a previous post, that's the longest it's been in 7 years. I have never felt so free in my life. Wow, just wow. =) God was right when He promised to restore to me what's been lost- joy, freedom, happiness. It's good.

Oh Grow Up.

So, I'm kinda in that stage in my life where I still want to be a kid, and not have to worry about the important stuff, but then again, I am 22 and I have to be an adult. I have to worry about the important stuff. It's part of growing up and being responsible.

One thing I REALLY need to keep myself in check with would be how I spend the money I earn. Right now I am not financially stable on my own. I still live with my parents, and so on. But, I do have the goal of moving out on my own in mind. I want all that- I WANT THAT INDEPENDENCE. I'm sure all you 20- somethings out there know EXACTLY what I'm speaking about. I mean, I love my family and all, but they drive be absolutely INSANE. So yeah. I need to really start keeping track of where all my money is going. And I need to be putting the majority of it into my savings so that goal of moving out can realistically happen sometime soon.

Yeah- that was random, but on my mind. Had to get it out. =)

The picture directly above is my left arm. You may ask why all the scars and marks, but I want to draw your attention to the tattoo on my wrist. It's Hebrew for Jehovah Ropha- which means, "The Lord who Heals". Which is very symbolic for me. First- the healing God has brought upon my life- emotionally, mentally, and even physically. And Second- I had a prophetic word spoken over my life that God would use my hands to heal the broken... Here's a little bit about me....

I am now in a place in my life where I can admit my short-comings and really speak about the life I found myself surviving in for so long- about SEVEN years. As many of you may know- I went to a residential facility, Mercy Ministries back in early 2009 and graduated the program in November of 2009. God did an amazing work in my life during that season. When I returned home, I could see the change God did in me throughout that time. But as any other human, if you don't pay attention to the things you do in life, you can slip right back into old habits- mine being that of self destructive behaviors. I did well for quite a while, but I stopped doing what I needed to do and found myself in trouble once again. Once again, I called out to humans to heal me, to find a cure for my brokenness. I found myself somewhere I have never been before- an outpatient on a psychiatric unit. I left the same as I went in- probably even more confused and depressed- feeling I really was "crazy". I wasn't- I was hurting. It finally hit me months later that THIS WAS MY CHOICE- GOD ALREADY GAVE ME THIS FREEDOM I LONG SO MUCH AFTER! I AM FREE! Almost THREE months ago was the last time I participated in any self destructive behavior! You may think that's not that long- but I was a prisoner for SEVEN years of my life. And now, I am walking in COMPLETE freedom! God is good. Not only is he healing my heart, but gradually healing my physical scars as well. Not to mention- I am not ashamed of this life. God took this heap of Ash's and is turning it into something absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I am excited to be FREE!

Squirrel Trouble

Okay, so I'm sitting at work today in the Pool Store and these two squirrels are running around outside. Okay, no problem. They get closer and closer- with me keeping a watchful eye on how close they really are to me. They both run around the corner...INTO THE STORE! The one that came in last I scared off by hitting a book. The other one ran behind one of our shelves. I tried to scare him out, but no luck, he went further back. So, a type of panic came across me. Just so you know- I have this small fear of these lil creatures. They're like hoping rodents with huge bushy tales, I don't know- they may bite! I'm not messing with it now. So, out of desperation, I text one of our guys who is out on a service call. I ask him to come get the squirrel out! Hahaha. He calls back right away and says he's actually on his way back to the shop. Thank you Jesus!! I will be rescued. LOL. So, he comes in ready to get this thing out of here. So, he grabs the closest thing- a vac pole and starts to poke at where the squirrel is. It comes out from behind the shelf, but hides in another corner- so he tries to get him out of there- then it hops onto the curtains and climbs on top of another shelf. Ugh!! Help!! So, then he swings at it again, and it runs out. That lil sucker didn't want to leave. Ewww! I'm good now- I survived =)