Being Prepared, Deciding, and finally...Standing.

I thought it was about time for me to write again. It's been a while, but this topic has been on my mind this week- due to the weekend I had. Let me share.

I was able to go on a leadership retreat this past weekend and it brought a lot to the forefront for me. The theme was "STAND" and it was about facing your giants and at the end of it all, standing. I was challenged over and over to confront my giants and fight them. We did a ropes course one day and the physical aspect of that really allowed me to see the deeper meaning behind the things I did and the way I handled different situations. I am very afraid of heights and this weekend challenged me in that sense since the ropes course was 30-50 ft up in the air. I immediately felt the apprehension and panic set in. I put my big girl pants and helmet on and climbed up the ladder to the 1st platform. I got to that point and my body was literally jittery. The fear had come upon me. After several (and I mean several) minutes, I chose which obstacle I would attempt to conquer. I was hooked and harnased in. I double checked the hooks on the cable I was going to be suspended from and off I went. I looked over the edge and the fear grasped me so hard---the thought that I was going to die was very present. =) Irrational, but oh so real to me. So, I stepped of the edge after a long pause and started my journey. I got about half way out and I froze. What do I do now? Go back? Just stay there and hope someone would come and get me? Or go on? I very much so considered the 2nd option. =) But I went on and I felt a sense of accomplishment. So, I made it on a ropes course, but what does this have to do with life? Well, let me explain.

I could relate many things I did on that course to the way I found myself living life. 1st of all, I often let fear hold me back from accomplishing things. I am also a perfectionist in a sense- just like I made sure those clips were locked on the cable over and over; I do the same in life- I make sure as much as I can that the conditions in doing something are just right. That nothing can go wrong. And of course me stepping of that ledge, that 1st step was the HARDEST. Once you decided to make a decision, the 1st step is always the hardest. Then I often get that momentum to go ahead- I get half way to my goal and start to doubt what I am doing. I really start to question what the heck I am doing out there. But what's important is that I keep my eyes ahead- no going back, and go forth.

I want to be like David when he had to face Goliath. He was prepared, he made the decision, and he stood. There was no doubt, there was no looking back, and definitely NO TURNING BACK. He was equipt in his relationship with God, faith, and courage. I want to live and face my giants that way!